That acknowledged, if you’re new here and a Pisces: deal with it. 😎 I have some very important tidings! Your sign ruler Neptune ends its retrograde and turns direct this week.

If you’ve been around these parts for a while, you know this is a mixed blessing. Neptune orbiting prograde is an unequivocal upgrade for Pisces, but there’s an adjustment period for that kind of power. It’s like Jean Grey first stepping into Cerebro in X-Men. She’s already so telepathically gifted that the onslaught of information from mutants around the world overwhelms her with pain! You’re going to be even more psychic now, which will work to your benefit eventually, but you might suffer migraines for a few weeks at first.

What the stars are up to:

• The North Node of the Moon’s orbit and retrograde Chiron are in your sign. Your ruler Mars is in Sagittarius.
• The Sun creates a trine with Chiron.

What it means:

You’re flying high this week. It’s a fire sign season and baby, nobody can stomp out your embers. Any attempts to suppress your spirit will, as usual, only make you blaze even brighter. The holiday season is okay and everything, but Aries isn’t all that concerned with social nicety. If you were going to buy gifts for other people, they’re already purchased and wrapped. If not, fuck it! Your very presence is present enough. Y’all are already living in 2024. Does winter even happen for Aries? Your spirit exists in a future springtime, and simply being around you feels like a breath of fresh air.

What the stars are up to:

• Jupiter and Uranus are both retrograde in your sign. Your ruler Venus begins the week in Libra, then moves to Scorpio.
• Jupiter creates a trine with shadow ruler Lilith.
• Venus creates a trine with Saturn and opposes Jupiter.

What it means:

You’re coping with a craving to get back to the earth this week. Depending on your location, it might be too cold to take off your clothes and roll around in the mud, but you can at least squish your fingers into the soil of a potted plant. You’re also likely to be overwhelmed with an urge to get kinky this week. I’m trying not to get too into the astrological weeds here, but suffice it to say that your sign ruler Venus moves from Libra to Scorpio, where it gets freaky with Saturn. If your extra-sexual-curricular equipment collection had any time to gather dust while you were depressed during Scorpio season, prepare to put it to work again!

What the stars are up to:

• Your sign ruler Mercury is in Capricorn.
• Mercury creates trines with Jupiter and Lilith.

What it means:

Wheeeeeee! Let’s jump on a sled and see where it takes us! Should we check to see what’s at the bottom of the hill first? No. Pragmatism is boring and overrated. Or maybe your week will be more similar to building a fire. Once it’s started, you get over-excited and start feeding it more kindling until it threatens to burn down the stockings hanging from the mantle. Did you check beforehand to make sure the chimney is open? No matter, you’ll find out soon enough, when the room fills up with smoke. Besides, there’s a chance it won’t be a problem at all! Just make sure the flue isn’t blocked, Gemini. Please?

What the stars are up to:

• The Moon passes through Lilith, the farthest point of its orbit from Earth.

What it means:

It’s that time of the month again, when Cancers go hollow-eyed and listen to conversations like they’re distant echos. The Moon is really far away right now, and whenever you make eye contact with someone, you stare straight through their soul and 1,000 yards out the other side. You tend to shy away from the bustle of holiday season, disliking the pace and intensity of year-end emotion, but you always forge a genuine connection with lost souls who need you during this time. In fleeting interactions in grocery lines and the post office, your far-seeing stare helps others reach beyond the frustration of the immediate to seize a reassuring hold on reality. Keep staring into the middle distance.

What the stars are up to:

• Your ruler the Sun creates a trine with healing Chiron.

What it means:

While chaos reigns around most of the zodiac this week, you enjoy a healing moment. In the northern hemisphere, most people associate Leo with summertime, but you seriously shine during fellow fire sign Sagittarius’s season. Cold weather kind of sucks, yeah, but when else are you able to show off your fabulous coats? During the holiday season, the world is filled with sequins and twinkly lights. Festive parties call for new outfits near-daily. Everyone from your family to barely-acquainted co-workers are showering you with gifts. Emotions run high at this time of year, and there is so much drama going on around you at all times that you can never fail to be entertained. You are the angel glowing atop the tree, perched contentedly over the December pandemonium.

What the stars are up to:

• Shadow representative Lilith, the farthest point of the Moon’s orbit from Earth, is in your sign. Your ruler Mercury is in Capricorn.
• The Last Quarter Moon in your sign opposes Saturn and Neptune; squares off against Mars and the Sun; and creates trines with Mercury, Jupiter, Uranus, and Pluto.
• Mercury creates trines with Jupiter and Lilith.

What it means:

Your forecast has me giggling in fright. While the ruler of emotion passes through your sign, you’ll be disinterested in any obligations, or in following your intuitions. Instead, you’re all about rapid mind-changes, constant self-prioritization, and making sudden moves. Much like Kim Cattrall, you don’t want to be in a situation for even an hour where you’re not enjoying yourself, and if your mood shifts several times within the span of that hour, so be it.